This is what the internet will tell you about what your dating life should look like:
“Hookup culture is one that accepts and encourages casual sex encounters, including one-night stands and other related activity, without necessarily including emotional intimacy, bonding or a committed relationship.”
This is how hearts get broken. This is an empty lifestyle filled with cheap sex and fake love. This is the worst possible approach to relationships.
Cheap sex will make you feel more lonely and the more you engage in it the worse it gets. You are giving yourself away cheaply; the more you give, the less you have left.
People live this hedonistic lifestyle because they lack commitment, purpose and responsibility.
This is the tragic search for fulfilment in the wrong places.
It’s not safe either. A study in the National Library Of Medicine found that 78% of women and 72% of men who had engaged in uncommitted sex experienced regret afterwards. Additionally, those who had engaged in hookup culture were found to have lower overall self-esteem scores than those who had not.
As the study said, most of the people who engaged in hookup culture had lower self-esteem, that is because they base their self-worth on their body count and after a while they become numb.
Further, a senior boy in the study said that it could make you feel very good or very bad, some people tend to cling to the one-night stand fling wanting more and then getting rejected, leaving them unloved, anxious and feeling used. This is usually the case with women after a one-night stand.
It is really sad because they are missing out on what sex really is and what extreme pleasure and fulfilment it can give you when done God’s way: in the bonds of marriage between two people who love each other and are committed to one another.
This proves something: Sex is more than a physical act. It is emotional and spiritual too.
On the topic of commitment, here is a bit of man wisdom: If you’re not ready to be a daddy, don’t do daddy things.
Firstly if you’re not married, don’t sleep together because it creates a whole cluster of new problems.
If you’re not ready to commit the the woman you’re about to sleep with or the child you might be about to create, don’t it. The consequences of your actions might lead to a pregnancy.
The cowardly things to do would be to get an abortion and/or cop out of your responsibility and put it all on her to deal with because you weren’t man enough to say no.
This also isn’t a feminist thing about supporting her “right to choose” The reality is that you supported her right to bear the burden for the rest of her life because of the cheap casual sex you participated in and then walked away from the responsibility you put on yourself and her.
Is sex on the first date a good idea?
Short answer … No.
“Women think that having sex with a man on the first date will bond him to her. But that doesn’t work with secure men or avoidant men. It really only works with crushingly insecure men who crave approval. And women don’t want to bond with those men.” – Dr. Adam Lane Smith.
The hormone release for men and women is different. For men, it is a lot more dopamine and not the same level of oxytocin (The bonding hormone). That is why casual sex is so difficult for women because if they have an orgasm with a man then they are probably going to bond with him.
This is why situations like ‘friends with benefits’ never work out because of the bond that has formed.
Men don’t typically bond that way. There already has to be a connection between the two for there to be a bond through sex. Women won’t get a guy to ‘love’ them with sex because that’s not how it works.
If there is already an established bond then sex is unitive and increases his affection towards his partner.
Women do this thing where they use their theory of mind and apply it to the male mind and that never works. It is called Cross-Sex Mind-Reading failures.
So how this works is that the woman would think that if it was her, the only way that she would be able to sleep with someone is if she cared deeply for them. Consequently, she applies this thinking to men and then thinks they feel the same way when in actual fact it isn’t the case. It’s not that he doesn’t care at all it just isn’t at the same intensity because of the low oxytocin release.
This is why it is preferable to have sex only after one is married. Because then both parties are assured of the commitment and love because they have declared it formally.
The opinions of 2 women and 2 men on hookup culture.
#1 - Miss Jade Wright
In today’s age, the prevalent hookup culture has emerged as a concerning trend when compared to the beauty and value of Godly relationships.
The hookup culture, driven by casual and fleeting connections, often prioritizes physical pleasure over emotional and spiritual connections. This can lead to a superficial approach to relationships, leaving individuals feeling unfulfilled and emotionally detached. Always longing for more but never being fulfilled.
Does this sound familiar to you? Has this possibly been all you’ve experienced in your relationships? Did you know that it’s not supposed to be that way?
Relationships are supposed to emphasize love, commitment, and shared values rooted in faith. This is what is known as a Godly relationship. A Godly relationship offers a deeper sense of intimacy, trust, and emotional support, fostering personal growth and mutual respect between two people.
Godly relationships prioritize long-term commitment and encourage couples to build a strong foundation based on love, understanding, and shared spiritual beliefs. This will equip them to work through challenges together, nurturing a lasting and fulfilling connection.
Do you see the contrast in hookup culture? The culture promotes a cycle of emptiness and dissatisfaction. The cycle that ultimately diminishes the essence of true connection and meaningful companionship.
Drawing from my own personal experiences as a woman who has been involved in both types of relationships. I can attest to the major differences between the two.
The hookup culture may offer momentary pleasure, but it often lacks the depth and emotional connection that comes with a Godly relationship.
Don’t we long and crave the opposite in this world? No matter what gender, no matter what we think or feel about ourselves we all long to be loved wholeheartedly. To not be alone in this world, to have someone who sees all the darkest parts of ourselves and yet still finds us beautiful. Someone who still wants to love us and go through this hardship of life and living together.
Whether you admit it to yourself or others, I know that at least one of the above-mentioned things resonates with you.
I’ve found that Godly relationships allow for all of those things. Unlike the transient nature of hookups, Godly relationships prioritize commitment. Embracing a Godly relationship brings meaning and a purpose to life.
It reaffirms my belief that God should be at the centre of our love and companionship. In all our relationships including friendships.
Through God’s guidance and blessings, He helps us navigate challenges, and with Him as the foundation, we receive love like no other person on earth can give us. That’s what God does. And if that isn’t enough, He provides us with a partner who shares this zeal to commit, who has Godly values and knows what His love looks like, what love is supposed to be like.
Therefore our partner tries to provide it in the relationship. By placing God at the core of your relationship, you are sure to be blessed with a connection that transcends all the norms of the hookup culture.
I encourage you dear reader to truly consider your worth and what you want out of a relationship as a whole, before going into one.
Find your identity in Christ, let Him be the love of your life and everything else will follow. All your relationships, friendships, and desires will be answered and cared for by Him if you allow it.
#2 - Miss Alyssa Britz
Hookup culture has at present taken the world by storm. It is more common for people to be unmarried at age 30 than it was 50 or even 15 years ago. I believe that the reason for this is the promotion of one-night stands and meaningless sexual encounters.
The core of this culture is selfish and self-indulgent living.
Hookup culture tries to convince us as people to behave in a way that is contrary to how we were designed. God created us to enjoy sexual intimacy in a monogamous, committed relationship.
This can be seen in our own biology. An article published on 25 January 2019 by Sophia Mitrokostas shows that one of the things that happens in our brains during orgasm is oxytocin being released.
“Oxytocin is known as the bonding hormone because it’s also released during breastfeeding and is known to facilitate a sense of love and attachment,” said Sher.
This shows that sex wasn’t designed to be had between people who have meaningless relationships. It is made to strengthen our bond with our spouses, not for temporary self-satisfaction. Biology speaks to God’s design for us.
Hookup culture also distorts our perception of commitment. Casual relationships teach us that when a relationship no longer serves our selfish needs it is fine to bail on that relationship.
This creates an environment where divorce is the first option when things within a marriage become difficult. This is already prevalent in American culture, where the divorce rate is between 40% and 50%. The only things hookups offer people are dissatisfaction, insecurity, and a false view of belonging and commitment.
We all long for an earthly relationship where we are heard, to feel seen and safe. The only place where that is possible is in a Godly, committed relationship.
Why would we not trust the plans of the One who designed us?
#3 - Mr. Wayne Lötter
Hook-up culture is bad. Why would you take the special moment of having sex with your wife for the first time and waste it on someone who is not invested, drunk or just a fling?
Having sex is so much more than just acting on your urges it’s an act of love where God connects two people in unity on a new and higher level of intimacy. Giving that special moment away is the worst thing you can do.
Then there is the added risk of drunk, unprotected sex that can lead to an STD and you don’t want that.
#4 - Mr. Clayton Booysen
The tragedy of hookup culture is that it destroys the individual’s relationship (with himself and his eventual partner) and their capacity for fulfilling sex and lasting intimacy.
Because hook-ups are so casual and so effortlessly attained-without courting, bonding and nurturing the relationship first- it comes as no surprise that what you will get is a cheap, hollowed-out, discount-version of the real thing.
The truth is that those who abstain from sexual intercourse report the highest level of sexual satisfaction in marriage.
The title of Stacy Liberatore’s article, written for the Daily Mail on 24 April 2023, says it all:
Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder! People who wait for sex until they are married are THREE times more likely to have higher stability in their relationship, a study claims.
It would seem like God’s prescription for monogamy and abstinence is after all, not suffocating and constricting, but ultimately liberating and for our own good.
If we care about love, sex and lasting relationships we need to be smart about how we approach them. That means playing the long game and making all the decisions that secure intimacy and joy in the relationship, rather than harming it.
My further opinion.
If we as men want to be honourable, high-value and set apart, then we have to walk the road less travelled for the sake of ourselves, the women of the world and future generations.
It is our responsibility and duty to be a good example for others to follow.
Courtship is a beautiful and special thing when done patiently and intentionally, but if it is rushed or forced then people get hurt and mistakes are made.
Conclusion.
Long-lasting relationships are built on God, love, intimacy and security. God sets a really high standard for men on how we should care for our women. There should be comfort in that for women if they know the man they’re with is in pursuit of righteousness and a Godly lifestyle.
So Gentlemen, let us pursue God and his ways so that we may have long and prosperous relationships with our complementary opposites.
